Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
