thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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