I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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