I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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