I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
