We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
