I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
