Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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