Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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