Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
