Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
