All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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