It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
