Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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