You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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