She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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