im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
