I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
