i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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