all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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