i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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