Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
