No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
