dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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