We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
