sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
