Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
