she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
