if you like me you must not know who I am
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
