Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
