Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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