you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
