im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
