Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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