ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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