I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
