I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How drunk are you?
Completed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
