Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
