Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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