I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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