It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
