WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
