chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize