Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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