I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
