I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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