I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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