Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
