I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
