You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
