Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
