Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
