he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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