id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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