your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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