We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
