I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
