On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
