I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i came on her dog
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
