I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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