so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Mom said you looked used
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
